This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
