I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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