so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize