new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
