i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
