And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
