how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
