did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
