3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just gargled with NyQuil
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
