I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
