i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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