i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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