I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
