U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
