Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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