I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
