The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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