Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell

(310): View more from California

my version of bright and sunny.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds

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(205): View more from Alabama

Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

(1-205): View more from Alabama

You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

(205): View more from Alabama

This explains so much.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?

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(917): View more from New York City

I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.

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(224): View more from Illinois

you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney

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(713): View more from Texas

He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance

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(330): View more from Ohio

I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level

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