Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
