Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
