Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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