i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
