I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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