did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
