she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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