One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
