Please, let me fuck your mom
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize