Swine flu. Run for my life!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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