I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
