He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
