She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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