my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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