is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
