He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
