I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
