Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
