from now on my penis is your penis
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my shit smells like andre
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
