I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
