I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize