i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize