my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
