We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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