wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
