I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize