You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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