I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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