i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
