Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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