He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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