You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
