I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
