Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
