I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
