dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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