operation have a gay friend backfired
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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