just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the condom got lost in my hair
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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