The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
