I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
