I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
