I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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