I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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