I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
