And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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