R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my poor anus
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
