I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize