Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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