did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
