there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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