Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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