so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
