She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize