She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
