Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
