Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
