upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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