The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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